"Code Two," or Star Trek

It's time for another round of the CLAMBA-Award Winning* Motion Pictures Told Through Still Pictures with Goofy Captions. Our subject this time is the 1953 film "Code Two," which, although ostensibly about three Los Angeles police cadets, is actually about three young actors trying to break into the big time at MGM. Don't believe me? See for yourself ...

It's a big day at MGM -- the stars of tomorrow are arriving
from broken homes, orphanages, bawdy houses
and correctional facilities across America!

Yes, here they are, teeming with energy and animal vitality --
young performers with tomorrow on their minds.
Who will be the next Victor Potel? The next Maris Wrixon? 

Ralph Meeker, Jeff Richards and Robert Horton have made the
first cut, all of them scoring especially well in the swimsuit
competition, judged by Van Johnson.  

Now they are at the MGM Training Academy, where they
will be whipped into shape by such studio stalwarts as ...

... James Craig and Keenan Wynn. Craig is still in costume from
his latest picture, "The Guy Who Loved Wearing Short Ties."
The two men will put the hopefuls through a grueling initiation
that includes ...

... emptying June Allyson's ash trays ...

... fixing Mario Lanza's three daily breakfasts ...

... and expressing the anal glands of
Lana Turner's poodle.

Finally, they must try to give Van Johnson a wedgie.
Many are called, but few are chosen.

Alas, Jeff Richards's option is dropped and despite the pleadings
of Van Johnson, he is expelled from the studio.

To avenge Richards, Meeker and Horton swear revenge
on MGM studio head Dore Schary.

Every day, Schary's ego is transported back and forth to
MGM in a tractor-trailer, so Meeker and Horton
plan to hijack it. But they are foiled by the truck driver ...

... Van Johnson.

Horton gets kicked off the studio lot, but he ends up
in a popular TV western.

And Meeker ends up getting into a hot tub
-- at Van Johnson's house.

* The Clamdiggers' Marching Band Association.

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