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| Our story begins in the New Mexico desert, from a vantage point that makes people look like ants -- GIANT MUTANT ANTS CREATED BY THE RADIOACTIVITY OF THE ATOMIC BOMB! |
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| Police officer Bobby Bowtie is working with the plane above to locate a little girl ... |
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| ... they find her in shock, with a look of horror on her face that can mean she's seen only one thing -- a "90-Day Fiancee" marathon. |
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| And also because her family has been attacked by -- AAHHHH! Oh, sorry -- that's a yucca tree. |
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| That's better -- AAHHHHH! A giant ant with a face that looks like the front of a 1953 Chrysler! |
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| Called into the case are FBI agent Matt Dillon, who was attending a Green Hornet cosplay convention ... |
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| ... and Dr. Kris Kringle, an ant expert (Matt Dillon brought eyeshades for everybody.) |
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| Led by Dr. Kringle, the humans begin a constructive dialogue with the giant ants. |
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| But there are a lot of giant ants and they're heading toward Los Angeles, lured by promises of nice weather and good-paying jobs. |
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| The ants end up living in the Los Angeles river basin because they love the drag race scene from "Grease." |
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| The authorities try to keep everyone calm. |
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| Tired of being upstaged by Matt Dillon and Dr. Kringle, Bobby Bowtie invades the ant lair in hopes of getting a selfie with the queen. |
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| The lawmen find a nest of newborn queens and celebrate the miracle of life by immolating them. |
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| The city is saved -- but despite the most fervent wishes of the little girl, "90-Day Fiancee" is still on the air. |
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